If we were together, sitting on your couch, and you had your darling newborn swaddled and squishy in your arms, this is what I would share about breastfeeding–while I fold your laundry. But first I’d bring you water and about 3 cookies.
In all honesty, breastfeeding has been the hardest thing I have ever done. Yes, it’s a lovely bond. I know–it’s natural, the most nutritious, and definitely most economical. But it is not always easy from the get-go. It is awkward, tedious, and sometimes it can be downright painful. At first.
Breastfeeding isn’t always easy
Our first few nights at home with my newborn were rough. Sure, she ate okay at the hospital, but once it was just me, her, and my husband at 2 AM, that’s when all my insecurities turned into fire-breathing beasts.
When I struggled at the hospital, they sent in a Lactation Consultant. Unfortunately, she didn’t offer me much help, just gave me a package containing a nipple shield, and told me to try that, and walked out of the room. At discharge, the nurses sent me home with a half dozen premixed formula bottles “just in case.”
So I sat on the bed, in tears, with a 5-day-old infant squalling in the Boppy pillow on my lap. She wouldn’t latch, the nipple shield wouldn’t stay on, when she did latch it hurt; she would nurse for 45 minutes, and was hungry again an hour later.
I said I would rather be in active labor for these 5 days than continue breastfeeding–and I meant it.
In order to keep this tiny human alive, I would have to feed her. I was doing the math: 8-12 times a day for the foreseeable future. I was filled with so much anxiety and the fears spilled out of my mouth like my tears.
In the midst of my despair, Sam spoke words of life to me: “Don’t worry about the next six months or six weeks. Just concentrate on this feeding. Next time maybe you can give her formula. But for now, feed her this time.”
All the weight lifted. I could do that.
I am not an expert, though I have nursed my 4 babies for a total of over 80 months (and counting!), so I do know a few things. (Yes, I used a calculator to add it up. Mom brain is real.)
It took about 3 weeks to get the hang of breastfeeding. Another two or three weeks to stop using the shield. And after the shield was gone, the pain was gone, too. If you’re struggling, you’re not the only one. You can get through this. Here are some things I’ve picked up along the way.
Be ready for the growth spurt
My week-old baby just ate all afternoon, and she’s still hungry! What’s wrong?
That sounds like cluster feeding. Sometimes babies will say they need to eat all the minutes between 3 and 10 pm. These cluster feedings are totally normal, because baby is going through a growth spurt. They do not mean that you’re running out of milk, rather it is the baby’s signal to make more milk for his growing appetite. These come at pretty predictable times. Usually they hit around 1 week, 3 weeks, and 6 weeks, then again at 3 months, 6 months, and 9 months.
My advice for growth spurts is to gather your comfort supplies, binge watch some shows, plan on eating convenience foods, and know that it’ll only be a day or two of this. Then your baby will sleep a couple of really long stretches, and wake up larger, and you’ll know you’ve gotten to the other side of it.
A side note about postpartum hormones: the worst of the hormone withdrawals peak at around 7-10 days. Guess what? That’s around when your baby goes through his first growth spurt. It’s like a cruel joke, but if you can mentally prepare for it, you can hunker down and schedule absolutely nothing on day 10 except pizza delivery.
Uncommon Breastfeeding Questions
Will breastfeeding always hurt?
No. Remember, you and your baby are both learning a new skill. It’s a pretty steep learning curve in the first few days. If your baby has a good latch, and seems to be transferring milk well, but it still hurts, ask your pediatrician and/or lactation consultant whether your baby has a tongue tie and/or lip tie.
Also, much of the nipple sensitivity is due to hormones, so when those settle down again in a few weeks, it won’t hurt so badly when your shirt accidentally rubs your nipples or your husband looks at them.
In the meantime, how can I relieve the pain?
There are so many creams and lotions; the best ointment I’ve ever used, though, is a few drops of the milk itself. I know, weird, right? It’s like God knew. A nipple shield can help the baby latch, which can help alleviate the pain during nursing. There are different sizes–I didn’t know this at first, and it could have saved me some pain. And shells can help between feedings by allowing them to air dry without anything touching them.
Ice can help; heat can help; hand expressing can help. Ibuprofen can help.
My boobs don’t feel full anymore; am I running out of milk?
Short answer to this is if your baby is filling lots of diapers, wet and dirty, you are making enough milk. If your breasts don’t feel as full after a feeding, that means baby is eating. Eventually your body regulates how much you need to make every day; they will not feel as full all the time. This is good! When your breast tissue is full of milk that is not being consumed, it sends a signal to your brain to back off the production. It is not your goal to have full, exploding boobs.
Do I need to burp my breastfed baby?
Yes! It’s a myth that only bottle fed babies need to be burped. Remember, they’re not efficient at first, so they get a lot of air, too. Putting a newborn up over your shoulder puts a lot of pressure on their little tummies, and can cause more laundry. I’ve found the most effective burping position to be sitting baby on my lap, leaning slightly her forward, supported by one hand holding her chest and jaw, then gently patting her back with my other hand. A newborn will often stay asleep while being burped like this and it’s adorable.
Should I wake the baby up to feed him?
This is tricky. You should follow the guidance of your pediatrician, but the general wisdom is that 1) babies wake when they’re hungry, 2) when your baby has regained his birth weight, he can go longer than 2-3 hours between feeding, and 3) babies grow during sleep. If your baby sleeps for 5 glorious hours one night, don’t panic. Be glad you got sleep, and don’t worry that your supply is compromised because of it. You’ll be fine. During the day you should wake baby up after a couple hours or he might get his nights and days mixed up and nobody likes that.
When is milk production highest?
Between 1-5 AM is when the body’s hormone surges encourage the most milk production. If you want to keep it up, be glad when your baby wakes in this window, because that will keep signaling your body to keep it up. And when your baby starts waking less frequently, it’s probably after the first couple of months when your body has regulated milk production.
Free tip: You don’t have to wash all your pump parts every few hours. If you’re pumping at work or exclusively pumping (God bless you), you can just wash your pump parts once a day, and put them in a bag or Tupperware container in the fridge in between sessions.
Resources
Most of what I’ve learned came from The New Mother’s Guide to Breastfeeding, the Breastfeeding forum at WhatToExpect.com and Kellymom.com. If I couldn’t find the answer there, I would search online or ask a Lactation Consultant . You can find a local IBCLC yourself, or your hospital will probably have one on staff. (She’ll probably be better than the one I met my first night at the hospital. The one at my hospital now is fantastic and I’ve had some great conversations with her.) Another great resource is to find a local La Leche League.
It might not be hard for you. After the first 6 weeks, it wasn’t such a stressor. After a few months it was easy. Every successive baby was easier. Now that it’s second nature to me; I don’t even think about it. It is sweet, snuggly, and comforting. There is nothing like a milky half smile your little one gives you while eating. There’s not much sweeter than a little ear indentation left on your forearm after you carefully peel that sleeping babe out of your arms and into bed.
Finally, breastfeeding might not be for everyone. There are so many factors that make it more or less practical or not really possible for many families. I believe the most important thing is that you feed your baby in a way that satisfies his or her needs and is practical for you.
If you can, go for it. If you can’t, if you don’t want to, if you supplement, if you decide to switch to formula, or if you breastfeed for 4 years, go for it, and don’t let anyone harass you about it. This is truly one of the things that there is no 100% right and wrong. You just do what brings peace to you and your family.
Disclaimer: Everything I have said here is regarding infants who do not exhibit special nutrition needs, and assumes all things being equal for mom and baby. There are so many dynamics that may alter the needs of both of you, and of course I only offer this as a mom who has “been there and done” that with my own babies.
Have you breastfed? Are you planning to? What was your experience?