There are many stages of life when I had felt overwhelmed before. Like when I was a busy college student; when I was working full time, adjusting to marriage, while also learning to manage a home, plus the office for a non-profit; or then when I was at home with my first baby.

But my greatest season of overwhelm came when newly parenting two kids under three. Now, I realize this is not uncommon. Women have been having babies since the dawn of creation. I get it. But I had not been, so it was all new to me.

I was living the dream–poorly

My greatest dream had always been to be a stay-at-home mom. I had always wanted to be a great mother. I wanted to be a great homemaker, to have a lovely home, happy kids, and be always ready to invite you in for coffee and a cookie.

Except I have never been a good housekeeper, and with two kids in diapers, and who never napped simultaneously, I was stuck in a cycle of feeding, changing, laundry, damage-control, and clean-up. There was no room for hospitality. Or to walk through the living room, really.

My dream was choking the life out of me, and realizing that I was bad at it was demoralizing. I was failing at the thing I wanted most in life, and I couldn’t see any way to overcome it, except to try harder.

Try, try again

I tried to have quiet times. Because I knew to be a good Christian, you’re supposed to spend time with God. But no matter what time I set my alarm, no matter how stealthily I made my coffee, my “quiet time” got interrupted. Rather than adapt, I became irritated with my children, blaming them for my lack of intimacy with God.

Occasionally I would dig in deeper, double my efforts, and try to get out of the cycle of failure. A new schedule, a dose of inspiration, a new tool, a few naps in a row, would give me a glimmer of hope. That would last for about four days or until one of the kids would get sick, and I would sink deeper into despair.

What I’ve learned about overwhelm

Overwhelm cannot be fixed by comparison.

Yes, other women throughout the world have done more with less, and but that did not inspire me. It only highlighted that there was something wrong with me, since I–with the same hours in the day, healthy children, privileged status, and average abilities–was still incapable.

Overwhelm is fueled by “should”s.

My internal dialogue told me what I should do. You should maintain this place. You should get the kids to bed on time. The online space said I should spend time with friends and I should have “me-time.” The Christian world said I should pray more. My network marketing company said I should be vivacious and successful. I should, I should, I should… ad infinitum.

Overwhelm is fed by shame.

My perceived failures were a source of shame. I was embarrassed that I couldn’t maintain all the “should”s above. It was hard for me to invite anyone in to understand where I was. Nobody likes a whiner, so I didn’t want to complain. I also didn’t want to admit that I hadn’t cleaned the bathroom in weeks, or didn’t sweep every day, or forgot to pay bills because I literally couldn’t find them. And when I said I was struggling to keep up, I downplayed it: “I do feed my family every day, but I have clutter up to my eyeballs and it’s stressing me out.” The answer would be a laughing, “I know, right?” and an understanding nod, but it didn’t mean they heard my desperation.

Overwhelm is a spiritual condition.

It’s not that what I had on my plate was too much. It was pretty normal life, and I didn’t have any really serious problems. I was just in a funk that had built up over the course of a few years.
No amount of planning, cleaning, cooking, sleeping, exercising, or waking early was going to provide lasting change. While any of these steps would be helpful, they had no effect on my state of mind until my heart changed. I needed deliverance from this heaviness, this despair, and this sense of failure.

It was a series of steps

Thank God. He reached in, made room for me to start looking at His promises, gently peeled back the layers of veil over my eyes, and gave me victory over overwhelm. One of the keys was getting involved in the Bible study the a couple of the women in our church had written together, about thriving no matter our circumstances.

After a few weeks of study, while I sat on my threadbare green couch in my messy living room, doing that Bible study homework, I realized that the weight had fallen off my shoulders. Somewhere along the way, I had stopped carrying my weariness, my defeat, and my rejection.

Though I was familiar with the promises of God, growing up in the church and even graduating from Bible college, I was finally learning to apply them to daily life. I learned to take small steps of obedience and deliberately “rewallpaper the walls of my mind,” as Beth Moore said in Breaking Free. I learned to receive grace.

“Father sat down on the edge of the narrow bed. “Corrie,” he began gently, “when you and I go to Amsterdam-when do I give you your ticket?”
I sniffed a few times, considering this.
“Why, just before we get on the train.”
“Exactly. And our wise Father in heaven knows when we’re going to need things, too. Don’t run out ahead of Him, Corrie.”

Corrie Ten Boom, The Hiding Place

Like a good, prepared, and generous father, God hands us what we need, when we need it. It’s not usually months in advance, but at the moment it is necessary. He already has what we need. He provides for one step at a time, one need at a time.

Overwhelming Promises

Now I’m at home with four kids. Two in elementary school and two more under three years old. The two year old doesn’t nap anymore. The baby is about to start crawling. Tween emotions are real. We’re still in the same, messy 3-bedroom house.

Y’all. It’s ridiculous here sometimes.

Yes, some nights are rough, and every day there’s still dinner and homework and sibling drama, and sometimes I’m hanging on till we can all go to bed to try again tomorrow–but I’m no longer buried in shame and overwhelm.

It’s not because I decluttered my house. It’s not because my big kids go to school. And, while I would like to think so, it’s not because I’m older and wiser. These are all factors that help, but it’s the grace of God that has given me hope for the daily grind.

Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord; seeing that His divine power has granted to us everything we need for life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence. For by these He has granted to us by His precious and magnificent promises, so that by them you might become partakers of the divine nature.

2 Peter 1:3-4a NASB, emphasis mine

I finally learned to avail myself of his promise that he provides everything I need to live and obey. And He’s trustworthy. Choosing to believe it, and take hold of his promises, has changed me.

Now I am overwhelmed by God’s promises for life!

The promises are available to you, too.

If this struggle sounds familiar to you, please join me and subscribe to the email list so you can catch the upcoming posts.

Over the next few weeks I plan to expand some of the verses, principles, and practical steps that helped me break free from overwhelm. I know I’m not the only one who has a need to pull off the heavy burden of overwhelm and walk in purposeful days, for the sake of our families and our communities.