Our kids don’t need Sunday School teachers; they need pastors. They don’t need Bible stories and moral lessons and youth group games. They need people to speak into their lives in practical ways to help them rest their full weight on the truth of the gospel.

When Jesus stood a child in front of his disciples and said that the kingdom of heaven belongs to people like this, it was not only a figure of speech.

Children have tremendous faith. They are fearless in what they believe. They are trusting and matter-of-fact. If we say something is true, it’s entirely true to them. They have vivid imaginations; it is not hard for them to visualize what they cannot see. Adults struggle with this, because we are so empirical in our processing that it is difficult to grasp something as yet unproven in our experience.

What do I mean by pastoring our children?

The man at the pulpit or the dear woman in the Sunday School room is preaching or teaching–declaring information and encouragement and a message to a group. A pastor may not be the best preacher, and a preacher is not necessarily a pastor. Often those titles are interchangeable, but that leader may not have cultivated the skill to do both well, though many do. A preacher proclaims; a pastor nurtures. “Pastoral” in prose is an old word that calls to mind an idyllic, quiet countryside. It refers to keeping sheep or cattle. That is a “tending to” role.

Our kids need more than the dissemination of information.

They know the stories, and if they don’t, the stories can be told or read. The stories are important in and of themselves, and Sunday School teachers are vital members of a church body–this is not to belittle that role in the least. But we cannot assume they will cover all the bases for us. A pastor is one who imparts the ability to integrate the truth in the stories into everyday choices and relationships.

Who are these pastors?

The most obvious, and first influence, are parents. We are the ones who plow through bedtime prayers, who teach the courtesy of mealtime ‘grace,’ who hear the inter-relational drama that comes home from school, and who comfort our children in the middle of the night when the bad dreams come.

As parents, we know our children. We see their little triumphs–that hours-long achievement test, finally learning to tie his shoes, mastering the cartwheel, beating a PR; we know their disappointments–the friend moving away, the way she can’t seem to keep from fighting with her sister again, the daily harassment of a mean classmate they have to endure, the mortifying embarrassment of being seen crying at school.

There are opportunities every day to guide them in the way they approach life–both their opportunities and their challenges.

This is not to say that we have permission to isolate our children, becoming the only voices they hear. On the contrary, our opportunity is to strengthen them, to guide them how to go to the Lord on their own, and to learn to obey Him, so that they can follow Him while they are in the world around them. We want them to be dependent upon the leading of the Holy Spirit, not on their parents, not on a church authority, not on a teacher. Jesus said His sheep hear His voice and follow. Does that mean they’ll always go the right way or that they’ll get to avoid the hard situations? Of course not–no more than we do as adults. But if we can teach them to recognize the prompting of the Holy Spirit, they will learn to walk with Jesus among all the other voices and influences around them.

Discipline and Discipleship

I’ve always said that the first two years is about basic child care–the main focus is on meeting their basic physical needs–but after that it’s hard core parenting. We’re responsible to cultivate their hearts. As our children grow, the discipline involved in helping them become civilized people becomes less about, “do this, don’t do that,” and more about the heart and their motivations, and how to invite Jesus to help them in each situation. This is the heart of discipleship. A true disciple is one who relates to Jesus, in the context of a faith community, the most integral which is the family.

What if we could teach our children how to offer genuine forgiveness to offenses between siblings? What if we could teach them to pray for one another? What if we taught them to extend the gospel in practical ways as we serve our neighbors and families? What if we cultivated their natural gifts and their spiritual gifts? What if we saw them as co-heirs with Christ, not only as our offspring? Can we be humble enough to receive the word of God from the mouth of babes? What if we talk about the ways the Holy Spirit has guided us, provided for us, comforted us, and changed our own hearts? Should we expect that it will take another 15 years for our children to begin to see the same fellowship with Him?

Both of my girls chose to trust Jesus when they were young. They were baptized of their own volition at the ages of 5 and 3. They are learning what it means to serve as part of a church and how to pray and how to read the word for themselves. They are also learning to write paragraphs and tie their shoes. These are all elementary life skills.

Are you capable?

So many parents want to leave the spiritual leadership of their children to “the professionals.” As though only those in a leadership role–the Sunday School teachers, youth pastors, elders, and your church’s pastor–have the qualifications to give answers to the questions that come up at the strangest of times. To be honest, even though I have a degree from a Bible college and have been to church nearly every Sunday of my life, my most common answer to the tough questions my kids ask about faith and life and death is, “I don’t know; let’s look it up.” And then, sometimes in a semi-panic, I ask God to help me find what we need. He helps me. He is faithful because he has the same goal: the edification of these young disciples.

He has given us everything we need. (Read 2 Peter 1:3-15, John 14:26, and 1 John 2:27) We are equipped. Thankfully, we can always grow in knowledge. We are not alone in parenting–there’s no shame in asking for advice from someone else who has parented well, so long as we aren’t seeking a person’s help in lieu of the Holy Spirit’s guidance. When we are part of a local church, there are also other adults who can reinforce these truths and provide a perspective to our children that they can appreciate from someone other than their parents. Cultivate these relationships in your local body. But don’t forfeit your opportunity to walk with your children in this way. Part of the challenge and joy of leading is the way it compels us to seek out the answers as we seek the Lord.

He would not trust us with these precious gifts if he did not intend to give us what we need to point them to Him. So yes, you are capable.