This spring I had my fourth baby. She’s fantastic. But after my first and second babies, I struggled immensely with the feeling that my postpartum hormones and emotions were completely out of control and I had no idea what to expect. To be honest, they controlled me.

So before I had my third, I did a lot of research online to find out what kind of hormone waves I could expect. Much of what I found at first were only opinions and blogs.

Finally I found a medical paper citing studies that explains that your postpartum body goes through withdrawals from different hormones as soon as the placenta is gone. This helped so much.

Within three hours postpartum, the estrogen level drops to 10% of the prenatal value, and reaches its lowest value by day seven postpartum.

…

As with estrogen, progesterone levels decrease dramatically after birth and are undetectable within seventy-two hours after delivery. (Bobak and Jenson 1993)

Did you catch that? Estrogen and progesterone virtually disappear within hours of giving birth.

Meanwhile, oxytocin and prolactin multiply to contract the uterus to its original size and to bring in breastmilk.

These hormones wreak havoc on our bodies

The most dramatic of the changes occur between 7-14 days after giving birth, and the withdrawal peaks about day ten.

This hormone cocktail occurs while recovering from a small person exciting your body forcefully. And while getting minimal sleep. And adjusting to being a primary caregiver to an entirely new human being. Yeah, no big deal.

This usually also coincides with a growth spurt when your new baby is constantly hungry.

These together can combine to make you feel like you’re failing, the baby hates you, life is too hard, you’re too exhausted, and your husband is uncaring because he ate a bite of that casserole in the back of the fridge that you didn’t tell him you wanted and now you hate him. Don’t ask me how I know.

Applying this knowledge about hormones changed my postpartum experience

This doesn’t discount the growth I went through between baby #2 and baby #3. I experienced breakthrough that changed the way I saw life, family, my husband, and my body. I am a very different person at 38 than I was at 28 when I had my first. But, these are things you can do, aside from growing up for a decade.

I told my husband about the hormone withdrawal. This helped us immensely. He was able to filter that my outbursts of emotion were hormonally driven and so he didn’t take them as personally. He would ask me, “What day is it?” We would count, and realize, “Oh, it’s day eight. No wonder.” Then we’d (usually) laugh and try to resolve whatever it was that was making me be weird. Or he’d just let me cry and bring me more water and a snack.

I was aware that what I was feeling was going to pass and it wasn’t the full extent of my reality. The baby didn’t actually have a chip in his brain to say, “Mom’s about to shower; it’s time to have a blow out diaper and scream for 25 minutes.”

It was such a relief to know I only needed to ride this wave and then in a few minutes or hours–or at least in a few days–I’d be back to my sort of normal self.

This also allowed me to be objective and laugh at myself: “I feel like I want to put my fist through the wall because I’m out of lactation cookies–this isn’t really me.”

I learned to give my feelings to Jesus. Not perfectly. But at least I knew it was an option, rather than dealing with them on my own. “God, I don’t think I can do this. I need something from You, because I don’t feel like I have what I need.”

Asking him for a reminder of His word, that I could stand on, gave me faith to receive from Him. He always provided the comfort, strength, patience, or correction needed in that moment, and that changed everything if I was willing to put it to good use.

But do you need help?

However, with all this being said, if you feel beyond what you can move past with a nap and good lunch and another few days of being a mom under your belt–if you are feeling unusually anxious, if the thought of everyday things is overwhelming, if you can’t stop worrying or crying or are afraid you’ll hurt yourself or your baby–those things are not your run-of-the-mill baby blues. In that case you will do well if you tell somebody about it. You may be dealing with postpartum depression (PPD), postpartum anxiety (PPA) or both.

It’s better to get help so you can address it head on and take care of yourself and your family, than it is to grit your teeth and fight it on your own. Call your mom, your friend, your doctor, your counselor, your pediatrician, your midwife–whoever you’re comfortable reaching out to. I’m pretty sure I had mild PPD after my second, but didn’t think it was serious enough to admit it or address it. Shame is real and it’s a trap. Don’t let it control you.

You’ve got this, mamas!

I hope this is helpful to you like it was to me. If you know of another mom who is going through this stage or is close to giving birth, please share this with her. It might just save her some angst and unnecessary tears. And maybe some binge eating.

Want more? I’m writing a series of Letters to a First Time Mom. These are things I wish I knew when I had my first (and second).