The past three weeks have been hard for this nursing mama.
The baby is now 14 months old and has been waking every night at least twice, and up to four times. He’s worse than a newborn. Each time, I and my milk are the only way to get him to go back to sleep quickly and quietly. When everyone else has to be up and out the door pretty early, and it’s dark and we all want sleep, I’m only able to go the path of least resistance.
Most recently, he has started waking right between 4 and 5, and not going back to sleep for almost an hour. This makes it really hard for me to get up early and have a quiet time and write. Most early mornings I have gotten up with him, spent almost an hour trying to put him back down in his crib, and then either crashing back in bed to get the last taste of sleep, or just sitting up that last 20 minutes before I have to get the girls up for school. Meanwhile, I would sit in his room–fuming.
He isn’t letting me have my quiet time. He’s not letting me write or do basic things like pay bills and keep track of my to-dos, things I usually have been doing early in the morning.
Do you recognize that tone? That’s resentment. I have struggled with that in the past.
Then it dawned on me. While I’m stuck under him, there is nothing preventing me from praying. There is nothing preventing me from reading the Bible on my phone app. I just need to bring my phone with me to read in the dark.
This week I have been awake, staring into the dark, and praying. The last few days have been significantly more hopeful and I have broken free from the lie that if I was stuck under him, my plan and my spirit were stuck as well. No, I just needed to get creative and seek God.
Thankfully I didn’t have to go much longer than this being frustrated, thinking I am stuck in this cycle that has no end in sight, just enduring and crawling through. But that’s not how I want to live life–I intend to pursue the abundant life, no matter what the crazy circumstances (and trust me, there are plenty!).
I’m linking up with Kate Motuang and her crew at Five Minute Friday today. The writing prompt today is STUCK. Let’s not be stuck this weekend–happy Friday!
I love how a change of perspective can make such a difference. It’s easy to feel stuck in situations and get caught up in that when actually there is something we can do if we think about it a bit differently. Thanks for sharing your story! We’re neighbours at FMF today.
Thanks Lesley, it’s so true. A change in perspective makes all the difference sometimes.
We always have a choice. Thanks for sharing your turn around. I know it will bless many.
Thank you, Karen!
Love it when God stirs in us this perspective change! Girl mamahood isn’t always easy, don’t be too hard on yourself! Love yourself up in those nursing moments with your Bible app open on your phone!!
Thanks, Mariah!
As a mom of two littles, I could really relate to your struggle of feeling stuck for similar reasons. Thanks for sharing what you did. I particularly loved the last few paragraphs. Your words “staring into the dark, and praying” seem like such an act of determination. There’s hope! There, it’s coming. And I love your solution to “get creative and seek God.”
Thanks, Cindy!
Thank you so much Beth! Bless you in the trenches of motherhood!
Oh the season with little ones. God bless you for the care you are giving, even when you are worn out and frazzled. I’m glad that you have seen a way to pray and read the Word.
Thank you Carol!
Its all about perspective, isn’t it? I love your thoughts,and mindset here. I’m Bev, #40 in the FMF link up. Nice meeting you, today.
Thanks, Bev, and welcome! I’ll come stop by. Have a great weekend!
Beautiful! Thanks for sharing the encouragement to young mommas even old ones.
Thank you Rhonda!
Life is cyclical. Enjoy this season. It won’t last long. Keep praying and know there are many praying along with you.